Jacqueline Wilson Hates Children…
Tuesday, August 26th by Shane
Hopes your grandchild falls in a well
Jacqueline Wilson has decided that since her fortune and fame has come from hard working kids, she will unceremoniously ruin their lives by putting the nastiest, foulest, most evil word ever created into her new book. And now after a torrent of complaints, Random House has removed the word and every impressionable child (save the 150,000 who already bought the book) is now safe from this- twat. Ha! Man, I’m usually all up in arms about publishers kowtowing to idiot parents, but how am I supposed to give a damn about kids reading or not reading “twat”? It’s like a Doctor Seuss word. Maybe it’s more offensive in bizarro UK, where people eat faggots for dinner, but it’s just too silly. So they’re gonna change it to twit and save the world. Whatever.
Tod Goldberg talks about my favorite subject that I’ve never read anything about- novelizations of movies and TV. Goldberg just novelized Burn Notice, a show that I will look up on Youtube right now to tell you what it’s about… hold on… Ok, first thing I watched were these two dudes breaking a lock after freezing it. Apparently they learned this from Burn Notice. Hold on… Ok, this is just a hick making something dumb out of toilet paper rolls that apparently is also inspired by Burn Notice. Man, people really love Burn Notice. Anyways, the show is some spy thing and Goldberg’s article is really awesome and you should read why he ended up sacrificing literature cred to write a well-selling book and how many other authors have done it and how his brother writes Monk novelizations, and how Goldberg wrote a book named after a Rob Zombie song.
Some bag of dicks named David Kelly decides to ask if there are any great books you wish were longer and also trashes The Dark Knight. Dumb question. If you wish a book was longer then it’s not great because it’s too short. Right? And if you think The Dark Knight was stupid you, along with Robert Downey Jr., have awful taste.
Every time I hear Angie I think it’s gonna be Hotel California and I’m mad until I realize it’s not the worst song ever.
Ruth Rendall talks about a lot more than twats in her new “adventure sex” book.
And finally, via Bookslut, some woman whines about how The Catcher in the Rye shouldn’t be taught in schools anymore because kids like it or something. I find it odd that even though she thinks the work is minor and outdated she doesn’t offer a brilliant list of alternatives. I don’t know who in the world could still believe your average kid can get more from some 19th century classic than Holden Caulfield, but I also can’t believe people ride unicycles. Takes all kinds, I guess. But seriously, what should kids be reading instead? Maybe the new Burn Notice book?
